Crow's Nest

By Elke Nelson ’06

I still remember the days back in grade school where majority of my teachers were female. In fact, it was rare I had a male teacher. I guess you could even go so far as to say that my experiences had created a semi-stereotype—teaching was for women. Ironically, now a third-year graduate student in the field of molecular biology, I realize my former stereotype has been flipped upside down. At this stage of the game, although there ARE exceptions, men run the show.

Until recently, I had not given much thought as to why I was surrounded by so many more prominent men than women.

It’s just the way it is, right? Well, maybe. But perhaps, and as is the case, it’s much more complicated than that.

How do I know?

It starts with the fact graduate school is by far the most challenging experience of my life. You don’t know until you get there, and you won’t understand unless you’ve been there, but it is. The advantage though, is that a bond is formed among those who have been in graduate school (faculty) and those who are currently facing it (students).

Having been in graduate school for three years now, I have had the opportunity to discuss many obstacles regarding both grad school and post-grad school issues with students and faculty. Both struggle to maintain their personal lives alongside their careers. This struggle becomes more and more pronounced as careers advance, and as personal lives become family lives. More strikingly though, is the differences I see among men and women when it comes to handling family versus career.

For example, I have come to know three families where both the mother and the father have obtained their Ph.D. The fathers from all three families are principal investigators of laboratories, but only one mother is. The other two mothers chose less demanding career paths, placing family life as their number one priority. So, although women are obtaining their degrees, it appears as though they ultimately opt out of pursuing their careers in order to commit to family life.

We may never know what accounted for the different lifestyles these three women chose, but one thing holds true in each case: it was their “decision.” What is it that happens to all of these motivated, determined, career-driven women after receiving their degrees? What is it that makes them, in essence, give it all up?

No one said making decisions is easy. I have spent the past year trying to figure out how women in science make their “decision.” What is the best decision? …the right decision? Do we just know when the time comes? I have had little success in my search for the answer aside from the realization that every woman who wants to pursue a demanding career has to make a “decision” at some point in her life.

As I slowly approach the day when I have to make this daunting “decision,” I find myself juggling four general options that have become evident through my graduate school experience.

If, as women, we decide career is a major priority to us, there are two general scenarios: one, we provide for the family and our husband plays the role of stay-at-home dad; and two, both of us choose to pursue demanding careers, placing much of our childcare responsibilities in the hands of a nanny or in daycare. In a third scenario, we could make career our sole priority by choosing not to have children at all. The fourth, and most common lifestyle pursued by women today is one where we make our primary work raising our children and find purpose in maintaining our family. By doing this, we leave career and the role of provider up to the man. When considering these four options, I am certain I am not alone when I say that NONE of them seem very appealing.

Just as little girls dream of their wedding day, I find myself dreaming of the day I have a house and children to take care of that I can call my own. My dilemma though, and that of many career-driven women, is the lovely family picture I have painted for myself is not all there is to my dreams and aspirations. My longing to be a mother is in many ways matched by my passion to become a renowned scientist. I want to contribute to the world of science, to influence people, and be a woman of power. BUT, I also want to have a family. I want to raise my own children, to make the family meals as my mother did, and to be a woman of tradition.

So, what do I do?

I am beginning to approach this question and the concept of making a “decision” with the idea every woman has 100 percent to give. Just as we can choose to have a career, we also choose what percentage of our efforts we have to invest in it based on how demanding a career we pick. Careers can range anywhere from doing scientific editing at home, to working as a research scientist in a lab, to being a professor at a small liberal arts school, to being a principal investigator of your own lab. In any case, the more effort we have to put into our work, the less we have to put into family life, and vice versa.

As women, we have been chosen to bear children; by nature, we have been driven to nurture, and by default, we are the ones who have to divvy up our 100 percents. Whether we choose as women to resent our responsibility to decide or embrace it, the choice is solely up to us.

Elke is in the molecular and cellular biology (MCB) program at the University of Iowa. She received the 2007 and the 2008 MCB National Institutes of Health Training Grant Fellowship. Her research looks at certain proteins to overcome cell adhesion loss that accompanies tumor cell growth. The Bucks County native attended William Tennent High School.s